Within a marriage, differences of opinion occur frequently. Everyone knows that the woman is always the victor but the men can’t go down without a fight. You argue about the trail of clothes on the floor leading to the bathroom. Is it really that difficult to walk the extra two feet to the hamper? Is he that worried he can’t find his way back to the bed that he has to drop “breadcrumbs?” He argues that propping his feet on the coffee table harms no one. He claims to be improving circulation to his oh so tired feet after long days at work. All you can see is the coaster where you rest your drink lying right next to his oh so stinky feet. And come on, how hard can it be to recap the toothpaste? Yes, little arguments like these happen all too often.
Today, you are going to learn the finesse to winning an all too crucial argument. It’s time to buy a new mattress. You’ve been sleeping on the hand-me-down from his parents for too long. Its time for an upgrade and you aren’t sure you’ll agree on which mattress to buy. This is one argument you can’t afford to lose. Let me correct myself because as women we never “lose,” we just pick our battles and allow for certain male victories. Anyways, the steps to victory for this particular quest are very simple.
The first technique begins the second you walk in the store. Allow him to take the lead, let him think he’s running the show. While he converses with the mattress specialist, drift away and scope out the bed that you want. Once you have the target in your sights, search for a bed that you know he won’t like (possibly resembling a rock or the floor) and one that he’ll like a little bit more but still isn’t great. These beds should be located in close proximity to your favorite. (If you have the time, visit the store beforehand to do your reconnaissance work.) Now head back to your hubby and casually guide him to the bed you know he won’t like. Let him gripe about how uncomfortable it is. Agree with him then go lay down on the second bed. What you are doing here is training him to follow you without him realizing he’s doing it. He’ll lay down with you and mutter how much better this one feels but that its still not it. Get up and stroll to YOUR bed because lets face it, this is the one you will be going home with whether he’s realized it yet or not. Lie down and let out an inconspicuous sigh of complete relaxation. Now you’ve drawn him to you. As he lies down and rolls to his side, rub his back and say something like, “isn’t this so comfortable.” He’s lying their envisioning the massages you’ll give him on this oh so comfortable bed (don’t worry, lesson two will provide instructions on how to get him to give you a massage on the new bed not the reverse). For your final act of persuasion, head back to the uncomfortable bed, lie down and say something like, “this one isn’t really that bad.” You should probably roll over facing away from him so that he can’t see your smirk when he replies with how much more he likes the bed you targeted in the first place. If executed properly, you’ll be sleeping in the bed you want in no time.
Now some of you may feel that this technique is deceitful and conniving. On the contrary, you only guided and lead him to choosing a bed that he liked. Yes, that bed happened to be the exact one you wanted but that’s just a minor detail. If he knew the details, he’d be forced to thank you for saving him the headache of choosing. You did all the hard work so go enjoy a wonderful nap in your new bed. You deserve it.
-MDOMiller



